Children & Grief

Death is a part of life, making it inevitable that even young children will experience grief when a loved one has passed. Experts agree that it’s important not to shield children from the reality of death. By addressing it in a simple, truthful, and age-appropriate way, you can help them navigate their feelings and foster their understanding of loss.

How do you explain the death of a loved one to a child?

Ask questions to determine what the child already knows about the situation. You may then explain the situation simply and honestly. For instance, you may say, “Grandma’s heart wasn’t strong enough to keep going, so she passed away.”

It is important to avoid giving answers that may confuse or frighten the child, such as “Grandma went to sleep and is not going to wake up” or “God took Grandma to be with the angels.” While these phrases are meant to comfort and soothe, the child may actually interpret them in a far more literal sense. For example, the child might develop a fear of going to sleep because the same thing might happen to him.

Allow the child to ask questions if he wants, but do not pressure him if he doesn’t respond. A younger child may ask questions such as “Where is Grandma now?” or “Is my kitty in heaven?” Older children may comprehend the finality of death more fully, and ask more abstract questions that are related to issues of faith, the meaning of life, etc.

For any age group, stick with truthful, simple answers in terms that the child can understand.

How Does Age Change Conversation?

Children experience grief differently based on their age and emotional development. Younger children may view death as temporary, while older children and teens grasp its permanence and may react in more complex ways.

Ages 2 to 7

Young children may view death as a temporary event, leading to fears of abandonment or being left alone. Children between 2 and 7 may struggle to express their grief verbally. Instead, they may act out, regress, or develop fears of being alone. Gentle reassurance and maintaining routines can provide comfort as they navigate their feelings.

Ages 7 to 12

As children mature, they see death as permanent and may internalize fears of dying themselves. Symptoms like withdrawal, trouble focusing, or attachment to perceived protectors may arise. Provide reassurance, encouragement, open communication, and emotional support as they work through these feelings and concerns.

Teens

While teenagers understand and perceive death in closely the same way as adults, they may express their grief differently. They may react in more dramatic ways or adopt reckless behaviors to “defy” death. Reckless driving, smoking, drinking alcohol, taking illegal drugs, or having unprotected sex may all be forms of “acting out” their anxieties and feelings of grief. Thoughts of suicide may sometimes be present in a teen that is having trouble processing his or her loss. Warning signs of suicide in children and teens may include a preoccupation with death, having thoughts or openly talking about suicide, or giving away belongings.

Parents of teens who have lost a loved one should be aware of any changes in their child’s behavior; and should seek professional counseling immediately for the child if they feel their child may be in danger.

Grief affects children differently depending on their age, development, and understanding of loss. From the simple curiosity of young children to the complex emotions of teenagers, every child processes death in their own way. The key is to provide honest, age-appropriate communication, patience, and support as they navigate their feelings.

At Companion Funeral Home, we understand the importance of helping families, including children, through the grieving process. If you need guidance on how to support your child during this difficult time, or if you’re looking for compassionate care and funeral services, we’re here to help. Contact us today to learn how we can support your family.